It's Friday. My bed is still in one piece and for the last time, I wake staring at my bedroom wall mural. Tomorrow it will be painted over in white.......
Leaving this room is scary. The choice I have made to live my life creating what is inside is frightening. I am stepping into a world of magnificent failure and I will now open myself up to the vulnerability that I have yet to experience. My sensible brain, yes I have one, says "find a real job". I am being self indulgent, selfish and possibly a little stupid. It tells me no one will ever like what I do, this decision will nail that last metal pin into my hopelessness and underline my belief that I will never be good enough. Finally, my logical, better side of the brain can say, "I told you so". The part of me that wants to tear me down will win.
Only there is a persistent voice screaming inside me. It's time to fly higher, it's time to give back, it's time to honour the gift of my life. It's time to see what might happen when I stop censoring my thoughts and my visions. By following my feelings I have decided to honour my inner artist. We all have one. I am not special or unusual, I am no more gifted or talented than any one else. It's just time for me to explore what it is to be me in the world I am in.
I'm dancing on the edge. That's what I guess I have being interested in from the beginning. Always fascinated with the power of my emotions and where my whimsical imaginations can take me. People may say my decisions have been bad, yet they were always mine. What mistakes I may have made have brought me to the place I am now and lessons have been learned. After all, what else is there really?
My life as an artist may not work and that's ok. I can't make everyone like what I do, yet I can express my feelings and open myself up to the world from the confines of a single room. They say it takes 10,000 hours to be great at your craft, I think it will take 10,000 hours to be good at being me. If we are all artists, then it's time to find out for sure, who am I and why am I here.
Therefore today I am giving myself permission to fail, permission to follow my feelings, permission to express my soul , permission to be whatever it is I am. I will get off my comfy mattress, pull my bed apart and pack it into a van. I'll miss this room, its being my source of comfort for the longest part of my life. Weirdly, it's being the place where more things have happened to me than any other.
If we only have this one life, take the time to live it. Go create, be generous, we are all artists and we all have something new to offer. Share your life with the world in the only way you can, as yourself. This me can't wait to meet, you.
Second coffee down and it's really time to move.
Goodbye bedroom, goodbye pink wall, I'd paint a painting of my bed, only Van Gogh already did that.
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